Last weekend we celebrated our daughter Tori and son-in-law’s wedding reception with friends and family in Chattanooga, TN. It was such a wonderful occasion and so encouraging! It was great to see family and friends that we hadn’t seen in a while and meet new family and friends from Charlie’s side. The best parts for me were the meaningful conversations that brought closeness and connection…oh, and the barbecue wasn’t too bad either!
Connection and attachment is something we are hardwired for. Our very survival, health and happiness depends on it. I was listening to Dr. Gabor Maté and so appreciated his point that “…there’s no life without attachment. …We could not have survived as a species without the attachment dynamics that drew us together in cooperative groups.” And, “…large parts of our brains are dedicated to nothing but maintaining our attachment relationships…the part of the brain that has attachment as its fundamental purpose is much more powerful and much more influential in our lives than our thinking apparatus. In fact, thinking is very much conditioned by our attachment relationships so that attachment is the fundamental dynamic.” If you doubt this, ask yourself what loss in your life would cause you the greatest pain? For most, it is the loss of someone dear to them.
Sometimes we have roadblocks to relationships that we’ve inherited from our childhoods, but that doesn’t mean we are doomed to a life of loneliness and unsatisfying and superficial relationships. Letting go of wounds and shame frees up space in our hearts for new opportunities and possible new adventures in intimacy. This probably won’t happen automatically, but with a little help and direction, healing and connection are more than possible!
Photos by Jim Seufferlein
(Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGmADfU5HGU Dr. Gabor Maté: Consequences of Stressed Parenting )
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